I feel compelled to explain this so people better understand. It is a real disorder. What causes it? A child being neglected and not being loved when they are young. You can not take a pill and make it go away. A child's core is so damaged they do not feel and connect the way others do.
We have had people say you've had him long enough shouldn't he be over it? He seems like such a little thing. I bet if he came to stay with me I could fix him. Sorry but some people have hurt him bad enough to be around them he shuts down and hides.
Some have said I walk around looking unhappy, I'm sure I do. Imagine getting up at 6 am everyday to coax a child out of bed and he doesn't get up til 6:30. Then he will refuse to take his meds it's always a battle. Then you need to go through belongings to make sure he doesn't have anything he's not suppose to. If your lucky you can get him out of the house without him yelling about some percieved injustice. If he's angry at his brothers he'll 1-2 boxes of cereal so someone has to go to store for others to eat. During the night he has creaped around and stolen from others in their sleep, so you must get it back. Then off to school, I take my afternoon break so I can check and make sure he is where he is suppose to be. Volunteering, detention, or tutorials. I can not trust him at home with my other boys as he breaks out windows, smashes walls, once tried to drive my van and broke it, set his matress on fire, started a fire in my garage, chased my youngest and his friend with a butcher knife laid the blade up aginst their body. He doesn't understand what he has done is wrong! No one got hurt. You can get him to do the homework but to turn it in is another story. He has a learning disorder also one of his teachers told me"Your son does not have a learning disorder but he is mentally ill." Really are you a psych major. You can catch him doing something wrong and he'll tell you that is not what you saw. At night I can't sleep because he's always up and roaming smoking stealing. He likes to call me stupid if I know he's taken something and I can't find it, see I didn't take it. Example lighters in his pockets, coats, shoes, and the latest rubberbanded to his forearm! He goes to a doctor 3 times a week for 2 hours. Now he is starting remeidial services to help with skill building. My whole life revolves around protecting him and others. I miss those of you from church but honestly come Sunday Morning I'm so exhausted all I want to do is sleep. Can I see how church can help? yes, but somedays I just can not move. The other day he became angry he got consequences he broke his glasses in 2. I said how did that serve you? "I just cost you$300.00 ha ha" Now he's mad it's taken over a week to get them fixed. Really cause that's $300.00 out of christmas and grocery money. Does he want to be this way? No but it is so ingrained into who he is. According to the experts if he can get mostly me or anyone else to yell or cry endorphins are released in his brain bringing him comfort. So after everyone's upset he will calmly come over say I love you can I have a hug. I wish you wouldn't sound so angry mom. Then continue on til the next time he feels life has not gone his way. You know how they say love your child when they are most unlovable. So each day I must start my day with optomism. And pray with a dilligent heart that when I tell my son I love him, he will here it. When I correct his behavior they will be a glimmer of understanding. That he will not equate love with material things. That he will hear the positives he's done for the day. He hurts so bad inside he wants others to hurt too. He steals to feel close to those people. He lies because that is what he's done for so long. If there are some of you I've let see him and now put on the breaks please understand I am doing the best I can to love, serve, and protect my son. Hopefully this makes sense to you all.
